oh...
how do i find the will to go on? i dont know how much more i can take of this.
i go to work only to fall in to an argument i niether started or wanted to be apart of. but she drags me in to it. why at 21 am i having to put up with petty school playground bullying?
yes i know she is trying to get me out so she can bring her mates in BUT she has picked a fight with the wrong person! im a stubbourn person and no matter how much she pisses me off i wont leave just to make her happy! maybe if my stupid boss could get off his arse and do something about it! just because she's got her head so far up the head's arse the lump in throat is her nose is a pathetic excuse!
not only that but my dad is going in to hospital soon to have a heart operation and there is no garenty he will come alive! so im so im very stressed about that! i really dont know what to do any more!
x

a rant and a cry for help.

ok so i just dont know what to do with my self at the moment...this has gone to far...
it all started at amanda's house when we kissed and a little bit more...and well thats when it started. we had been texting each other for some weeks before and i then we starte talking more, he would ring me at times and we would text all the time. at the next show we went to it was wierd i guess cause it was the first time we had seen each other since we... well you know...and well we got on allright but he only really showed me any real affection when it was dark and noone else was around really. but i dealt with it. we carried on texting and calling each other when it came to detling. yes it was wierd again at first but by the end of the first night we were on fire. every one had the same thought, that we were or almost a couple. when people asked me i said i dont know and they should ask him...however he would simply avoid the question. so it seemed fine like we were on track he was always with me and dragging me around the place but then it came to saying goodbye and he just kinda waved to me. i did get a phone call that eveing when he got home and then we texted for a bit before going to bed....but alas ever since i have heard nothing...not a dicky bird...he wont reply to my text messages and now i have just called him and nothing he didint even answer it.
i dont know what to do with myself any more...i know i let myself get to attatched to quickly and i know i will probably get my heart broken again bt i just want to know either way. i want him to talk to me and tell me what he wants...if its not me then ill move on with my life but i just want him to talk to me...i just want to cry cause i it hurts...it really hurts to be ignored.
oh well i guess its just the story of my life isnt it. i fall the poeple who cant commite to me and i end being hurt whilst they move on with their life without a care. ill always be alone i guess.
and people wonder why i find it hard to trust people.
if anyone knows what i can do to sort this out please help! x

wednesday 14th july 2010

its wednesday once more and time does change some things, ive picked up some more hours at work which means i know have to wake up at 6:30 in the morning to do an hours work and then come home again. oh well its extra money.
well last week i was able to see a side of humans that i dont want to see. i had always known that women could be harsh if they were upset but the way this woman was being. just because she isnt centre of attention any more. why is it that words can hurt so much? i watched her walk in to the room her face like stone hardly craking a smile as she passed me. "cup of tea?" she asked entering the kitchen. i of course accepted. it was strange something was different about her. i follwed her in. she didnt want to speak to me. then in walked some one else the caretaker and she was my best friend all of a sudden laughing and joking like we had always been friends. it was so faulse. and so it went on as others came in her niceness towards me became more and more over powering. until my friend appeared and that was it, i was ignored in favour of the children. i left the room feeling as if i wasnt wanted at all. it was when she told me that my other coworker doesnt get nice things for the kids like she used. i was there when she was in charge it was no different the menu hasnt changed. the kids have no problem with the way things are run but she is turning the parents against our team leader all because she hasnt got the guts to move on with her life.

any way maybe im just taking it to heart! i am looking forward to this weekend though i am off to a friends house for a party weekend! should be a lot of fun!
xx

lets begin

my name is Elisa Riley, age 21; im from the outside a perfectly normal girl with a perfectly normal average life. i work in a school with two very nice women and one not so nice together we run a breakfast and afterschoolclub. i live with my parents and my brother. we have three cats. like i said a normal llife.
i guess really everybody wishes their life was different in some way but for me i cant stop thinking about it. all i want from life is to be writer and to not have to worry about money. i spend my life living inside my head, inside my imagingation. i pretend that i can fly or that i have a secrete that only my closest of friends now about. i suppose in a way i wish i was more than just a normal average human pottering on with my life just like everybody else. i wonder to myself sometimes is other people live like this or is it simply that i havent grown up yet?
still i decided to sit down and write my story to let the world know what an ordinary girl can do.
maybe one day i'll be able to tell you that i have achived my goal and become a real writer. but for now i think i will just blog to you. i'll tell you what i see and how i understand it. i guess what im saying is if you feel the same as me then let me know.
i think thats enough for now, when i find something interesting i'll write about it.
x